


Fighting Spirits

by TheMindGamer



Category: Xenoblade Chronicles 2 (Video Game)
Genre: Action, Alcohol, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-27
Updated: 2018-02-27
Packaged: 2019-03-24 21:14:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13819566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMindGamer/pseuds/TheMindGamer
Summary: Three blades walk into a bar, but alcohol and Zenobia don't mix.





	Fighting Spirits

Zeke strolled through the streets of Torigoth with his blades under the mid afternoon sun. Their shopping list of supplies had been gathered that morning, so all that remained was for Morag to arrange a ship to Mor Ardain. This left most of the party with an evening of free time. Zeke's stomach growled as he smelled the food of a small restaurant they were passing.

"Any of you chaps hungry?" Zeke said turning to his blades.

"I'm starved! I thought we'd never stop to eat!" Zenobia shouted.

"Food sounds good," Wulfric rasped.

KOS-MOS looked at the other two before turning to Zeke. "It has been six hours and seven minutes since we last consumed a meal. It would be advisable to seek sustenance at this time."

"Sounds like we're all in agreement, so how about this place?" Zeke pointed at the little bar and grill with his thumb.

Not hearing any objections, Zeke entered. He glanced the seating over before choosing to sit at an empty row of stools at the bar. There were actually a few other drivers and their blades already present, and Zeke figured the place was a popular mercenary bar thanks to the disproportionate amount of Urayans.

"Menus, please, and what's say you to four of your most popular drink," Zeke told the nopon tending the bar.

"Okay, Surisuri help in one moment," the bartender said as he fished for something in a small fridge.

Zeke reached into his coat before frantically patting himself all over. "Crap! I think Pandy still has my wallet," Zeke said. "I bet if I run I can catch her before she leaves the plaza. Be right back, chaps!" With that Zeke bolted from the bar giving the blades no opportunity to object.

The bartender turned around after taking a freshly mixed drink to a different customer. "Where one-eyed man go? Surisuri need warn most popular drink not for faint of heart."

"Oh, we can handle a little old drink," Zenobia said before laughing.

The nopon bartender scratched his head with his wing before shrugging. "If you say so." He turned around and poured four mugs of something clear. Setting them in front of the four stools he announced proudly, "Surisuri's is only bar that sell this in all Torigoth." He then reached beneath the bar and set out four menus.

Wulfric picked one up and quickly buried his face in it.

"I'm gonna get the biggest armu steak they have," Zenobia declared as she opened her own menu. She reached out and chugged half her mug. "Huh, that's pretty good. You can really feel the burn."

After scanning the menu and deciding what she wanted, KOS-MOS meanwhile simply looked at her drink."Analysis indicates contents consist of 52 percent alcohol with a volume of approximately 500 milliliters. Factoring in biomass and metabolic rate, probability of intoxication is 99.8 percent."

Wulfric reached out and took a sip from the glass. "It's icky..." he said.

Zenobia finished emptying the second half her glass. "Well if you guys don't want it, give it to me!" She said snatching the other two mugs.

"That would not be an advisable course of action," KOS-MOS remarked.

"What do you mean by that?! You just said you didn't want it." Zenobia asked as she held KOS-MOS's glass. "Oh, I know. I bet you're ready to take a crack at me! We can just go whenever. You don't have to make excuses."

"That was not the intent of my words," KOS-MOS said evenly. "You do not have physiological requirements to consume such large levels of alcohol."

"Oh, I don't do I? I'll show you," Zenobia said and chugged the entire second glass. She lifted Wulfric's, but after momentarily lowering it again, she forced another sip. Despite her words, Zenobia was slowing down and her face had already begun taking on a reddish hue. "And you're pretty strong, too. I bet it'd be a fun fight..." she mumbled.

KOS-MOS glanced at Wulfric. "I believe it would be in your best interest to stop," KOS-MOS said.

"You think you can take me?" Zenobia said with a grin and a hiccup.

"That is not what I..." KOS-MOS began

"Well, get ready because I've been itching for a fight all day! I bet I could take both you AND Wulfric on at the same time!" Zenobia shouted. Zenobia brandished her axe. Wulfric looked around wildly apparently taken aback by the sudden turn of the situation.

"Wulfric." KOS-MOS said lowering her visor. "Assist in the evacuation of the patrons."

"Okay..." Wulfric said backing away.

Zenobia lunged. KOS-MOS stepped to the side narrowly avoiding the blade of her axe. Keeping the momentum of the swing, Zenobia twirled around the pole into a kick. KOS-MOS ducked avoiding it, but Zenobia sprung back and planted her elbow into KOS-MOS's side.

"Run. Door's over there." Wulfric said to a Gormotti mother and son. Pointing, he shielded them from the fight with his back and ushered them on.

KOS-MOS clutched her side and distanced herself from the frenzied blade. Zenobia gathered herself, and charged for another attack. Recognizing it as a horizontal swing, KOS-MOS met the charge with one of her own. Zenobia swung her axe, but KOS-MOS vaulted off Zenobia's shoulders and avoided the swing. Zenobia kept going hoping to catch KOS-MOS in the back, but the robotic blade had landed too far away.

KOS-MOS turned her head back to look at Zenobia and reassessed her strategy. Without her ether cannons, Zenobia had the range advantage. It would be beneficial to remain close despite her inclinations. As Zenobia readied another swing, KOS-MOS darted toward her and jabbed her in the nose.

"Ack!" Zenobia yelped. "Cheap shot!" She rubbed her face.

KOS-MOS used that moment to move behind Zenobia. She slipped her arms around her the fight-happy blade in hopes of restraining her in a body lock. Zenobia grabbed KOS-MOS's arm and flung her across the room.

Meanwhile, Wulfric had finished evacuating the children and elderly. Most of the mercs had made it out on their own, so he ran back to a pair who had instead taken refuge behind a table they had overturned.

"It's not safe here," Wulfric rasped to the two Urayans. They both stared up at him wide-eyed. One of them reached for a knife. Suddenly, KOS-MOS crashed into the table next to them breaking it.

Wulfric looked up to see Zenobia heading in his direction. "ROOOOOAAAARRRGHHHHH!!!!!" Wulfric roared raising his arms above his head. The two Urayan mercs hugged one another and joined in with screams of their own. They then fled for the door still screaming.

Wulfric charged Zenobia who jumped into the air. Bringing her axe down, Wulfric met it head on. He caught the axe's head between the flats of his hands mere centimeters from his head.

The sudden stop caused Zenobia to botch her landing. Falling on her rear, Wulfric wrestled the axe away from her and threw it to the side. Zenobia dove for the axe, but Wulfric grabbed her shoulder. Zenobia whirled around and grabbed Wulfric's shoulders in turn.

Locking up, the two pushed at one another.

"You're pretty strong if you can match me!" Zenobia shouted.

"Stop fighting," Wulfric growled.

Zenobia blinked. "Good idea!"

Suddenly, Zenobia stopped pushing. Wulfric fell forward. Zenobia rolled onto her back and launched Wulfric with her legs. Wulfric sailed through the air and crashed into stools they had been sitting in earlier.

Meanwhile, Zenobia leapt for her axe as Wulfric picked himself up. Sparing no time, she rushed toward Wulfric bringing her axe down once more from behind. Caught off guard, Wulfric raised his hand in defense and the blade cut cleanly into his forearm before halting dead.

Wulfric roared. Grabbing the shaft, he jerked the axe from Zenobia's grip and pulled it out of his forearm. He brought down the axe on Zenobia with another roar. The edge crashed into the ground next to where Zenobia had again fallen. It shattered the floorboards and cratered the soil. Wood splinters and dirt rained on Zenobia stressing to her exactly how close the axe had come. For a brief second she saw her own paled expression in the polished steel.

Withdrawing the axe, Wulfric stood up. His towering shadow cast itself over Zenobia, and the axe's edge gleamed. Wulfric took a step. Zenobia couldn't tear her gaze from the colossal blade, so she crawled back on her hands and feet. She frantically grasped at the floor struggling to find anything she could use to defend herself. Feeling a bottle, Zenobia clutched and threw it at the monster looming over her.

Wulfric raised his arm, and the bottle shattered against his hard carapace. Hot sauce splashed out and landed in both Wulfric's eyes and axe wound. He howled. Dropping the axe, he clutched his eyes.

Zenobia dove for it, but at first only clung to it for a sense of security. Adrenalin, fear, and guilt paralyzed her in confusion, but this was all shoved away when her first opponent returned.

KOS-MOS materialized one of her ether cannons. The battle with Zenobia had gone on too long and the probability of fatalities would rise dramatically if it spilled into the street. KOS-MOS was now prepared to use lethal force if necessary.

KOS-MOS shot. Zenobia dove out of the way, and KOS-MOS continued to fire while Zenobia ran ahead of the bullets.

Zenobia flung a table forcing KOS-MOS to dive out of the way. Landing on her side, KOS-MOS saw Zenobia leaping toward her. There was enough time to aim and enough time to shoot. KOS-MOS would not fire until the very last moment, but the shot would vaporize Zenobia's core crystal.

Time seemed to slow to a crawl as KOS-MOS counted down to herself.

"3"

"2"

"1"

Suddenly, Zenobia flew to the right and crashed through an interior wall. Wulfric withdrew his fist and helped KOS-MOS to her feet.

Wulfric and KOS-MOS apprehensively approached the hole. Zenobia laid limp in a pool of booze, glass, and wood- unconscious but alive. Wulfric audibly sighed while KOS-MOS raised her visor.

Zeke walked in.

"What the bloody hell happened here?" he asked dumbfounded.

KOS-MOS turned back. "Zenobia consumed a vast quantity of alcohol and became violent," she said. "We subdued her."

Zeke briefly looked over Wulfric's arm and then rushed over to Zenobia. Wulfric helped fish her from the back room.

Now knowing the blades were relatively unharmed, Zeke surveyed the wreckage. "I'm not sure I have enough to cover this."

On a whim, Zeke looked over behind the bar and found the nopon bartender cowering. "A-about all this..." Zeke began.

"Sursuri not want money. Surisuri not want anything. Surisuri just want one-eyed man and crazy blades leave!" the nopon shouted.

Zeke stood up and glanced at his blades. KOS-MOS waited for direction while, behind her, Wulfric held Zenobia in his arms. "Maybe next time we should just get take out," Zeke absently said as he motioned to the door.

**Author's Note:**

> It's possible I'll come back and make this a two-shot, but for now the idea needs to bake a bit.
> 
> Anyway, I love hearing thoughts, so comment if you have any. Also, since it's a thing I understand writers do, I wanna point out that I'm too lazy to get mad, so feel free to simply crush any eggs underfoot and not worry about that.


End file.
